


Something Lost

by noblet



Series: Yes I love- I mean I'd love to get to know you [3]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: M/M, Newt trying his best to help Herms out aw, Sad Hermann, Second person POV, WARNING: Hermann is very OOC, proclaming love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 15:05:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2155023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noblet/pseuds/noblet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I loved you when I saw all of the shitty things you had to go through in your life during the drift. I loved you when you forgot about me. I love you now."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Just a note: this is my first ever attempt at writing in a second person POV, and I don't have a beta so please excuse grammatical and spelling errors.

You look up from your tablet just as you finish typing the last sentence to an email reply. You _swear _you see a shadow pass by the door, and you know if the shadow belonged to anyone, it would be Herms. You stare at the entrance for a few seconds more, squinting at it, willing for Hermann to walk through, but after a few more moments of staring, you give out a heavy sigh of defeat. The man hasn't come to the lab in two days. It's frustrating, yes, not hearing his voice jab at you endlessly since it was half the reason you were able to stay so focused on your work, but just the lack of his presence was enough to tip you over the edge.__

__You push away from your chair, allowing it to roll you back five feet or so before you slam your feet down as a break to prevent you from crashing into the tank of kaiju specimens you still have to relocate._ _

__You stand, unintentionally rolling the sleeves of your dress shirt up to your elbows, a habit, (whether it was bad or not, you're not quite sure yet), that you've developed over the years. Blood rushes to your head after sitting for so long, and as your vision becomes dark for a few dizzying beats, you think about what your next move of action is. As your eyes clear and you enter reality once again, you make a beeline out of the lab with heavy steps, but not before slipping on a puddle of... something. (You make a note to mop it up later, so there's no need to worry.)_ _

__The walk to Hermann's quarters is a short one, only a minute or two from the lab at his request. You were never going to admit it to him, but yes, you were jealous of the closeness of his quarters, especially after Pentecost denied your request to use a segway to get places. You pass by a few people, some new jeager candidates, and as a young teenage girl that reminds you a lot of Mako winks at you, you look around before looking back as it to say 'who?! me?". You pass a few more people, two of which give you dirty looks as you stride on by. Whatever. They weren't the ones who saved the fucking world._ _

__=====_ _

__As you stand in front of Hermann's door, you stare at the scratched edges of the numbers 04 that were printed on the metal. You jingle your copy of his key (along with a few coins) as you fidget in front of it, pondering if you should use the key or not. Would he be beyond mad if you just barged in without any notice? Was he even in there? He could be looking at you through the little peep-hole right now... You decide against using the key. 'You're not that close to him anymore', you think as you pull your hand out of your pocket and rap your knuckles against the metal._ _

__You're positive your face brightens as the door begins to creak open, but as you see the state of the man behind the door, your heart drops to your feet. Hermann's face is red and his hair is a bird's nest (as if it couldn't look any worse), and his eyes just look so... sad like he's just given up._ _

__"Newton..." Hermann sniffs as he beckons you into the room. "I.. I don't feel very comfortable, you seeing me like this, but, if we really are as close as you say, I'm sure this won't be anything new to you."_ _

__You have never seen Hermann like this. Not this sad. Never. You feel awkward as you step through the door._ _

__You nod your head. "Of course." You try to put on an encouraging smile but you know you failed badly._ _

__You jump as the door slams behind you, and you're thankful that Hermann didn't see, but it all passes as you look around the room. A handful of meals are still sitting uneaten on his desk, the only thing open a half eaten package of crackers. The faint smell of jasmine tea hangs around the room. He must be starving._ _

__You sit on the edge of his bed, next to a pair of foam slippers he always kept at the foot of it. Without meaning to, your eyes follow him, watching as he limps around the room, from the door to his desk for possibly one of the smallest sips of water you've ever seen anyone take. If things were still normal, you probably would've picked on him for it, but luckily you have enough self-discipline to stop yourself._ _

__Your eyebrows lift in surprise and he sits next to you. A little too close next to you. Like, close enough for your knees to touch._ _

__"Uh, Hermann..." You start but he cuts you off._ _

__"I'm-I am quite alright, Newton. The leg's been hurting lately and I don't plan on moving it for a while._ _

__You nod silently._ _

__"What's wrong man?" As soon as you say it, you know you could've said it in a way that seemed more sensitive, not in a "yo where are we going to hang after school" kind of way._ _

__Hermann stares at you with round eyes, rimmed red even more than yours. His lip quivers and he looks down at his lap, using his hand to block his face from you as the other massages his leg._ _

__Hermann has always been a straight forward man, and you're thankful you don't have to play a game of tug-of-war to get him to tell you things._ _

__Hermann lets out a long sigh. "I can't remember my family."_ _

__Alright. Fuck. This guy's your best friend. Sure, you've never been in this situation, but you will totally try your best to get him through this, right?_ _

__"That... sucks." Fuck. You fucked up. You rack your brain trying to think of things to say. You were never close to your mother, so you know you won't be any good in that subject. You didn't exactly see eye to eye with your father, (cryptozoologist my ass, you should become a musician like me, that's where the real money's at), and you don't have any brothers and sisters to speak of, so this is all new to you._ _

__You nervously crack your knuckles, the soft _pop pop pop _the only noise at the moment. You bite your lip to calm your nerves as he makes eye contact with you again.___ _

____"My father..." Hermann unexpectedly starts. "I can't remember his voice. I can picture his face in my head but that's all. I've looked around everywhere", he looks around the room and his eyes rest on an emptied out drawer, the contents sitting in a mountain of socks and ties. "I have no way on contacting him. And my mother... Gott... I can't remember what she looks like... the way she smells or what her laugh sounds like... and my brothers. I can't even remember their names. He finishes the sentence quickly before he solemnly looks back down at his lap, as his eyes squeeze shut. He takes a deep breath, shuddering and choking back a sob._ _ _ _

____Hermann looks up at you again, tears streaking his cheeks._ _ _ _

____You know you should feel sympathetic. Pity, even. But now you feel so much _guilt _. So much _fucking _guilt._____ _ _ _

________This is all your fault. You never should've let him drift. You should've fought with him less. He's a different man now. That squabbling, groaning old man that helped you save the world. That was him. That was Hermann. This guy... the one crying in front of me... he's completely different. Everything could be normal if I weren't for you. It should've been me. You should've gotten your memories wiped, not him. It's better to forget shitty memories than to lose good ones. Hermann wouldn't be as broken as he is now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As your mind races in fury, Hermann makes eye contact, fear stricken in his face. "I don't think I know who I am anymore."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You grab him, square on the shoulders, forcing him to look you right in the face. You've had enough of this"Listen. Your name is Hermann Gottlieb. We've known each other for 12 years. You are hands down the smartest person I have ever met and I look up to you more and more everyday, and I just want you to know: I love you. I've loved you ever since we first met. I fell in love with you because the letters, the words you wrote, were-are so deviously captivating and I knew, I fucking knew whoever was writing to me, was a fucking genius and I was so floored that I had the privilege to talk to you. I loved you even when you decided you didn't like me at all, when you turned your nose up and walked away. I loved you all that time, I loved you when I finally got a message from you six months later. I loved you when we got a lab together. I loved you when I saw all of the shitty things you had to go through in your life during the drift. I loved you when you forgot about me. I love you now."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You take a deep breath as you continue on, not letting him interject._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What I'm saying is, I will do the best I can to help you through this. I will tell you about your father, I met him once. I can tell you about your mother, re-tell you all the stories you told me about her on our dates. I can tell you about time your brothers came to surprise you on your birthday. They made me feel like family. They're all such nice people. I understand how horrible it is to lose all of that. But I want to help. Please, Hermann, please", you plead as you look him in the eyes, and his face is more wonder struck than sad now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Did I... really tell you that much about them?" He asks._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Totally", you say._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Hemann sniffs and wipes his nose with a sleeve._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Alright." He sits straight up and regains full composure as he looks at you. "Where shall we start?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry that all of the works in these series are so short, but don't worry! I plan to start making later works 5,000+ words so they won't be that quick to read. Also, please don't forget to leave kudos. :)


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